Further thoughts

I wanted to put my thoughts about Every Good and Perfect Gift in a separate post, because I'm going to get personal. (Scroll down to read the review first. I wanted this post second, but it's too late.)

I was happy to see a book whose main character is a woman who has decided not to have children. I don't have any children. By choice.

My health is the reason. Terrible fatigue and a bad back. I won't bore you with detail. Women have a nesting instinct. My instincts tell me I couldn't provide good care for a child. There are a lot of days I can’t take care of my husband—he has to take care of me.

This isn't a pity party. I love my life, I just have my limitations. And if it wasn't for those limitations, I never would have discovered writing. My one heartbreak is for Brian. He'd be such a great dad. As is, he's a wonderful uncle to 15 nieces and nephews.

Anyway, I have my reasons. Legitimate ones. But I still feel evil. Every Mother's Day, whenever I hear scripture such as "the purpose of marriage is godly offspring," every time I see my friend who is unable to conceive and so badly wanted to.

I feel like a selfish sinner for not having children. Like I never should have gotten married if I wasn't going to have children. (I thought I would have children when I first got married. And I don't know what I'd do without Brian.)

Now, bringing it back to the book...

The main character asked her husband that very question. Are we sinning by not having children? He gently assured her that it was a decision, not a matter of sin at all. It was nice to get an outside opinion on that.

Because when I think about my decision, some days it tears me apart. Are we doing the right thing? Will I regret it some day? What do other people think of me? I know many people assume I don't like children. But let me tell you, those 15 nieces and nephews bring me great joy.

Okay, back to the book again. The one place where I thought something was missing was that Gabby didn't feel betrayed by DeeDee's decision to have a baby. I started out with three married friends who said they never wanted children. After a few years, they changed their minds. And I felt alone and betrayed. [Did I mention my selfishness? :o)]

Everyone reacts differently, but I know what a lonely path this is. So if Gabby had a friend for 18 years who was on the same path, I think she'd feel abandoned at this change of heart.

I'd like to think I won't have any regrets later in life. So I felt let down when... MINOR SPOILER ALERT... Gabby temporarily decides she wants a baby at age 41.

In fact, I had a hard time picking up the book again after that. Since nothing came of it, I wondered why it was necessary. Instead of the reassurances the book had been giving me up to that point, it was now giving me doubts.

But that was a very minor part of the book. Sharon Souza does an excellent job with this topic. (I don't mean to imply that the whole book is about childlessness. That's just part of Gabby's situation. DeeDee and the friendship is the focus of the book.)

This isn't something Christians talk about. Spurred on by this book, I'm talking about it.

I have one request of humanity in general. Please don’t ever ask anyone when they’re going to have a baby. One way or another, it’s in God’s hands. That could be a very painful question.

Sharon, if you ever read this, thank you for including this subject in your book.