Those "ing" sentences...and a contest

I wasn't planning a post for today, but Jack asked what to avoid when using -ing sentences.

First, that particular construction stands out because years ago hack writers used it to death. So sentences like, "Straightening his tie, he entered the office for his job interview." have become less desirable. "As" does the same thing. "As he entered the office, he straightened his tie."

There's nothing wrong with those sentences. If they're not overused, they're perfectly fine. It's mostly overusing them that causes a problem, for two reasons.

First, variety. Sentence structure should vary to keep it from feeling repetitive. This avoids putting your reader to sleep. Variety makes the writing lively and interesting--makes it sing.

Second, these sentences have dependent clauses in them. That makes part of the sentence less important than the other. The fact that this guy straightens his tie could be a character trait--such as being a perfectionist--or it could show that he's nervous. Put into an -ing construction, that fact becomes incidental. The force of the sentence lies with entering the office for the interview.

So if it's not very important, the sentence is fine. But if you want to emphasize it, "He took a moment to straighten his tie before entering the office" will give it more impact. And because these are dependent clauses, too many of them will weaken the writing. Half of what you're saying isn't really important. It's just a minor fact you can relegate to a dependent clause.

Another problem often comes up, mostly with beginning writers. An -ing sentence is meant to show two things happening simultaneously. But sometimes it'll slip into a sentence that's meant to show a progression of events.

"Climbing the stairs, he entered the house." How can he enter the house if he's still walking up the front steps? "Putting the hat back on the shelf, she walked through the rest of the store." She'd have to have a mighty long arm to walk through the whole store while she's still putting a hat on a shelf. That's the number one thing to look for. Are these two actions something that can happen at the same time?

I think I covered all the bases.

I used to overuse -ing sentences. It was my favorite way to build a sentence. Mostly because it was an easy way to avoid starting every sentence with "he" or "she". And because it was such a problem for me, I paid special attention when I read this in "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers". So I was able to give all these reasons without consulting a book. I absorbed the information.

As in everything, moderation is the key. Putting the -ing word in the middle of the sentence will help disguise it so it doesn't stand out so much. But even at the beginning, it's fine every once in a while.

Now, on to the contest. This question made me think of how valuable I've found the book I mentioned above. It's something every writer should have. And so I'd like to give away a brand new copy of "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" by Renni Browne and Dave King.

How can you enter? Refer people to this blog. If they leave a comment telling me you sent them, you'll receive one entry. And if the person you refer sends me a critique request, you'll get another entry. If a new person--someone I've never critiqued before--sends a chapter, they'll get their name in the drawing. I'll run this contest through the rest of November and December. I'll announce a winner January 2nd.

If you win, and already have a copy of the book, I'll let you choose a different book of comparable price.