Never Changing

by Lois Marella

Chapter 2 – Tears in bed

Elise Sorens-Ogawa helped her toddler, Sarah, into her favorite and well-worn pink nightie covered with hearts, then walked with her to the bathroom.

“Mom says to squeeze the tube from the end, Joshua,” Micah said as a matter of fact to his five year old brother who had white foam bubbling from his mouth as he brushed his teeth. He tried to fix the tube that Joshua had squeezed in the middle. Joshua rolled his eyes.

“Alright, boys, just do a good job brushing your teeth,” Elise said in her soothing voice and patted both of their heads. “I think Joshua’s hands are too small to squeeze the tube right, Micah, but thank you for trying to teach him, Sweetie.” Micah turned to her and smiled. Elise winked back. [Sounds like a good mom.]

“Okay, your turn, Honey,” said Elise as she lifted Sarah up onto the bathroom counter and started brushing her teeth. [Said is a perfectly good word—when it’s needed. If you already have an action in place, it can be eliminated because the action tells us who’s speaking.] When everyone was finished, she scooted the boys to their bedroom. Micah was on the top bunk-bed, with Joshua below. Elise sat on the nearby desk chair with Sarah on her lap. Elise said their night time prayers, then tucked the boys in and gave them both a hug and kiss.

“Mommy will get you in bed now, Sarah,” Elise whispered as she took Sarah’s hand and led her into her own room. “There now,” she said tucking in the sides of the blanket around Sarah, “all nice and cozie.” She sat down next to her and wrapped her fingers around Sarah’s. Elise sang a short lullaby and leaned down and gave Sarah a butterfly kiss on her cheek which made her giggle. Her children’s laughter always warmed her heart. She left Sarah’s room and then headed to the kitchen to wrap Glen’s dinner in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge. He’d have to warm it up in the microwave when he got home. She finished cleaning up the kitchen and headed towards the master bedroom.

Elise looked at the clock and wondered how long Glen’s meeting would go. It was already 8pm. She donned her satin nightgown then washed up, crawling into bed at 8:15 and started to read. [“Started to” is a phrase to avoid. Did she read or didn’t she? Most of the time it can be skipped and you’ll have a stronger sentence for it.] By 9:00 she was tired and turned off the light. The minutes crept by slowly and Elise’s heart started to become heavy. I wish it was easier to take care of the kids by myself from morning to night. Emptiness started to invade her and she could feel the darkness of unhappiness spread inside of her. You know my heart even when it is hard to pray. Father, please help me feel joy.

A tear slid out from her eyes and soaked into her pillow. Glen’s job had become bigger and bigger, requiring more of his time, more of his energy and often seem to preoccupy his mind when he was at home. She understood that competition was fierce, and the dot com companies were starting to fold one-by-one. Everyone was on edge, fighting to keep their jobs since there were so many well-educated, hot resumes walking around Silicon Valley vying for their jobs. [Long paragraph. Break it here.] Another tear dripped onto her pillow. God, I know I can do it. I’ve been doing this for a long time now. What is my problem? Single mothers do this all the time, and have to work on top of what I do… She took in a deep breath and held it, trying to hold her emotions at bay. I didn’t get married to be alone. I am a single mother. Pangs of guilt coursed through her body now. Elise didn’t want to question God. All the emotion just made her face red with feelings. [she can’t see her face, so it’s best to avoid a POV issue. The next sentence is stronger anyway—it shows the emotion.] She clenched her fist into a ball and sat up, reaching for a tissue, but one wouldn’t be enough.

“Mommy?” Joshua’s thin shadowy figure came into her room.

“Yes, Honey?” Elise sounded a little stuffy, but she tried to sound as normal as possible.

“I can’t sleep, Mommy.” He came closer and sat on her bed. “Are you okay? You sound like your nose is plugged.”

“Yes, Honey. Don’t worry.” Elise finished blowing her nose. ”Why can’t you sleep?”

“Daddy’s not home. I wanted a goodnight kiss from him before I went to sleep.” He said as he rubbed his eyes and leaned his head on her shoulder.

“He might be home late tonight, Honey. If you go to bed right away, maybe you’ll see him when you wake up for a good morning hug.” Elise embraced his small shoulders and kissed his head. He smelled like strawberry shampoo.

“But sometimes he’s gone back to work before we get up, Mom.” His shoulders slumped and he hung his head.

Elise swallowed the lump in her throat. So, her children did notice that there were days when they wouldn’t see him. [Not necessary in my opinion.] They needed their father. She took in a deep breath. “I know, Honey. It is just that Daddy is really busy at work. He works hard so we can live in this nice house and have food to eat. He cares for us a lot.” The energy it took for her to defend his absence seemed monumental.

“I know.” Joshua mumbled, seeming unmoved by her reason.

“Maybe we can do something special this weekend. All five of us.” She put him on her lap and squeezed him tight. She nuzzled his neck and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Come on, Sweetie, I’ll tuck you back into bed.” She took his hand and led him back to his room, where she helped him into his bed and pulled his covers up to his chin. She kissed his forehead. “Love you, sweet Baby.” She said softly.

“I love you, Mommy.” He whispered back.

“See you in the morning, okay?” She whispered.

“Okay.” And with that, he turned over and seemed content to try to fall asleep again.

She half-smiled in the dark, even though she was incredibly sad. Father, I love the children you gave us. Help me to know what to do.

“What is going on?” Micah chimed in quietly from the top bunk bed, perching himself up on his elbow.

Elise stood up and patted Micah on his leg. “Nothing, Honey. Joshua just couldn’t fall asleep, but he’s back in bed now. Don’t worry, okay?” Elise drew a long breath, uneasy that both boys were awake still.

“All right, Mom.” Micah pulled the covers up and moved into a fetal position

Elise tiptoed out the room, only to find Sarah standing at the opening of her bedroom. “Sarah, what are you doing?” Elise whispered. Now she was losing hope that the kids would ever fall asleep. Her shoulders slumped a bit from her weariness.

Sarah whined softly.

“Oh, Honey.” Elise wrapped her arms around Sarah and pulled her up onto her hip. “I was just helping Joshua get back into bed.”

“Pee,” Sarah whispered.

Elise smiled and rubbed the tip of her nose onto her daughter’s cheek. “No, Honey. He just was having a hard time falling asleep, that’s all.” She hugged her daughter tightly, enjoying the closeness.

Sarah wrapped her arms around her mom’s neck, tightening them and whined.

“I’ll tuck you back into bed and give you a big hug and kiss, okay?” Elise made her way towards Sarah’s bed, with the gnawing concern about her daughter’s speech development. Father, when will she start speaking in sentences? [Ooh, another painful issue to deal with. Good. ]

“Pee.” Sarah said again.

Elise could feel a tension headache starting to form and she sighed. If only Glen was there helping to put the kids to bed. “Okay, Sarah.” At least if he was there, they could tag team, or split the responsibility. She would feel less tired, especially at the end of the day when her energy was at its lowest point, as well as her patience. How she wanted to be everything for her children, but it was just too difficult doing it alone. {How single mothers do it after working all day was a mystery and sadness that she often wondered about.} [You’ve already mentioned single mothers, so you probably don’t need this.]

After Sarah went to the bathroom and was tucked back into bed, Elise made her way back into her room and got back into bed. Her body screamed at her for sleep, but her mind was on Glen. Something needed to change. He needed time with the children whether it helped her or not. He was their father. The children were not the only ones missing out. So was he. So was she. [Her thoughts are going back over similar territory. That happens in real life, but in fiction it should be consolidated.]

Nights seemed difficult. [Seemed is another word that weakens writing.] At least during the day, she was so busy with the children, running errands and doing things around the house that her mind was occupied with busyness. In the quiet time of night, she would repeatedly feel that there was something missing, something she thought she had firmly in the palm of her hand, but it no longer was there. She had misplaced it or lost it or perhaps was confused that she ever had had it. She combed her hands through her short hair and curled up into a fetal position. She didn’t want to think about her loneliness now. She just wanted to drift off to sleep and not feel the emptiness inside of her. Her children were rewarding – a mutual sharing of life and love, but emptiness came from elsewhere… the absence of her husband. Somehow, somewhere at some point, their relationship had turned luke-warm, then cold and distant. What she yearned and longed for was her husband – the man she married and the love she needed. Both seemed to evade her.

She woke up and around. I fell asleep? She looked at the clock. Wow, 10:30 already. She looked at the other side of the bed. She could see Glen’s form outlined in the dark. A sad smile crept over her lips and she slowly lowered her head back on her pillow, adjusted the blankets and found another comfortable position. He’s home. The thought comforted her and she drifted back to sleep thinking that she needed to make things better between them. Before she knew it, she was asleep. For now, she didn’t need to worry. [You say she drifted back to sleep, so you don’t need another sentence saying she fell asleep. Then, you have her thinking after she’s asleep.]

I feel for this woman in such a tough situation. Good job on that score.

***

This afternoon I’m leaving for a short vacation—our church’s family camp. So there won’t be any more posts this week. The timing stinks, after having no critiques last week. But it couldn’t be helped.

See you Monday!